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Volume 8, No. 6 |
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Return to Newsletter Archive |
June 19th is Father's Day
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Understanding
the Vital Roles that Fathers, and Father
Figures,
Play in Children's Emotional Development
Dads really do matter.
Children need fathers ~ just as they
need mothers ~ to love them, to be interested
in them and to respond to their needs,
making them feel valued and understood.
Fathers and father figures make a vital
contribution to their child's
development. What fathers have to offer
their children is different from what
mother's offer, but it is equally
as important to the child. The differences
between men and women as parents are
not laid down for us ~ each family discovers
them in their own way. Whether or not
a man becomes a father thru the birth
of a biological child or by becoming
an adoptive or foster parent, one thing
remains the same ~ fathers do make a
difference. In honor of Father's
Day, AFFM would like to recognize and
thank all fathers and father figures
for the important role they play in
a child's life. At Adoptive and
Foster Families of Maine we recognize
the unique challenges that foster, adoptive
and kinship fathers face (as outlined
below).
Adoptive Fathers
Adoptive fathers are
willing to undergo an intense homestudy
process in order to become a father.
This involves a considerable amount
of self-examination and a need to confront
personal issues that biological fathers
may never deal with. Some men find this
difficult and feel that they have to
prove themselves, however, it can also
strengthen the bond between a father
and his adopted child because he has
great self-awareness of his desire to
be a parent.
Adoptive Dads need to
anticipate questions about birth parents
that are often difficult to answer.
Children will be curious about their
birth families and want to learn more
about their heritage. They may want
to meet them, maybe as a way of understanding
more about the circumstances of their
birth. Sometimes, as a result of early
trauma they may lash out at their adoptive
fathers when they are hurt or angry.
Thinking of the child's
curiosity about their genetic origins
as absolutely natural can help fathers
to tolerate feelings of rejection and
hostility that can, at times, be very
hurtful and difficult to understand.
Foster Fathers
Foster fathers, much
like adoptive fathers, are also likely
to face complicated challenges. The
circumstances that have brought a child
into foster care range from a temporary
difficulty in the family to serious
problems in parenting ~ including physical
or sexual abuse. The foster child may
be coming into the foster home with
a poor view of what fathers can offer
them. Foster fathers are often the first
positive male role model that a child
has encountered
The foster father's
input is important to the child. It
is essential and helpful for the foster
father to talk to the child's
worker to get as full a picture as possible
of what they have been through. If Dads
have some idea of what the child's
experience with men has been, it will
be easier not to take their suspicion,
hostility, rejection too personally.
This helps in developing tolerance of
the very difficult behavior. Understanding
may also help you to find ways to talk
to your
foster child about how they are feeling.
While preparing to adopt,
a foster Dad shared that during a bonding
assessment he was asked what his motivation
for adoption was, he responded "Where
else would he (the child) be at home."
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An adoptive daughter shared that her "Adoptive
Dad taught her that some men can be trusted."
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Dear Daddy,
In all the things I try to do.
I want to do them just like you.
I'm watching every move you make.
And trying to take each step you take.
Although right now I'm sort of
small,
When I'm with you I feel ten feet
tall.
Like you, I want to be brave and smart.
Cause I love you, Daddy with all my
heart.
When I am older, I'll be so
glad
If I grow up to be…
Just like Dad!
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HOW TO RAISE WELL ROUNDED CHILDREN
Remember they are a whole person in a
smaller package
To teach honesty you must be honest
Introduce them to God and keep in touch
Write them notes
Remember feelings just are
Imagination is a great thing
No limits on healthy food
Let them know you make mistakes too
It s not always what you say it is the tone
you use to say it
Do their handprints once a year
Remember you were little once
Start talking about their bodies from the
beginning
They have the right to say no
Believe in your children
Time spent with them is important not buying
them things
Own a dog
No limit on hugs
Teach them their phone number with the area
code.
Tell them they can always call
Remember listening is done with your ears
open and your mouth closed
Children should be seen and heard
You can never own too many books
Make cookies from scratch once in a while
Remember that monsters are real to children
Take lots of pictures
Remember you were little once
Puppy love is real, A broken heart hurts
at any age
Befor0e you start those stories "When
I was little the snow…I had to walk
three miles..,
remember how you felt when it was told to
you
No limits on saying I love you
Know their favorite colors
Hang their pictures on the wall
Display their artwork
Follow through even if giving in is easier
Never run out of crayons or bubbles
The dishes will wait but the children will
be grown up before you know it
Teach them to make their own beds
Eat what they make
Roll down hill with your child
Shadow puppets are great fun
Take notes you can share in years to come
Have at least one audio and video tape of
each of your children
Dirt can be washed away good memories cannot
Spend a day in your pajamas with your children
Have a picnic in the winter in the living
room
Children thrive on structure and consistency
Potty training happens in the child's
time
Let them know you may not always like what
they do but you always love them.
Have a picture of them sleeping to remind
you that every child is a gift straight
from God
Remember choices may be good or bad and
not the child
Smile often
Remember it really does take a village to
raise a child
Children are precious, treasure them always
Written by,
Bobbie-Starr-Marrie Hellena-Ritta Deschambault
Foster adoptive parent in Portland, ME.
Thank you for sharing and caring.
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Flag Day
When : June 14th
Flag Day is a day for
all Americans to celebrate and show
respect for our flag, it's designers
and makers. Our flag is representative
of our independence and our unity as
a nation.....one nation, under God,
indivisible. Our flag has a proud and
glorious history. It was at the lead
of every battle fought by Americans.
Many people have died protecting it.
It even stands proudly on the surface
of the moon. As Americans, we have every
right to be proud of our culture, our
nation, and our flag. So raise the flag
today and every day with pride!
Properly Display Our Flag
There is a right way
and a wrong way to display the flag.
The American flag should be held in
the highest of regards. It represents
our nation and the many people who gave
their lives for our country and our
flag. Here are the basics on displaying
the American flag:
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The flag is normally flown from sunrise
to sunset.
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In the morning, raise the flag briskly.
At sunset, lower it slowly. Always,
raise and lower it ceremoniously.
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The flag should not be flown at night
without a light on it.
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The flag should not be flown in the
rain or inclement weather.
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After a tragedy or death, the flag
is flown at half staff for 30 days.
It's called "half staff" on
land ,and "half mast" on a
ship.
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When flown vertically on a pole, the
stars and blue field , or "union",
is at the top and at the end of the
pole (away from your house).
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The American flag is always flown at
the top of the pole. Your state flag
and other flags fly below it.
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The union is always on top. When displayed
in print, the stars and blue field are
always on the left.
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Never let your flag touch the ground,
never...period.
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Fold your flag when storing. Don't
just stuff it in a drawer or box.
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When your flag is old and has seen
better days, it is time to retire it.
Old flags should be burned or buried.
Please do not throw it in the trash.
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Save the Date
Adoptive and Foster Families
of Maine will have a yard sale July 14th
& 15th from 9:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. in
the office parking lot located at 294 Center
Street in Old Town. The proceeds will be
used to support the services and resources
AFFM provides to adoptive, foster and kinship
providers. If you would like to donate items
or volunteer, please call 827-2331 or toll
free at 800-833-9786.
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Insurance Updates
Anthem HMO Choice group health insurance
for foster families:
The rates for coverage are:
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Single Adult = $602.22 per month
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2 Adults = $1283.73 per month
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Family Plan = $1527.25 per month
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1 Adult and Child(ren) = $1009.90
per month
Foster families can join
within 60 days of becoming a foster
parent, during annual enrollment (March
1-31) or within 60 days of a "life
event."
To obtain more information, contact
Emily Charlton, Employee Benefits Technician
at 1-800-422-4503 ext. 7-6784 or by
email at Emily.Charlton@maine.gov
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Adoption Announcement
Scott and Renee Gardner are delighted
to announce the adoption of 19 month-old
Colby Dylan Gardner. The adoption was finalized
on March 8th, 2005. Colby is a loving big
brother to his 3 month-old sister, Makenna
Grace Gardner.
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Summer Camp 2005
This spring, I have had the
wonderful opportunity to speak with kinship
providers from all over the state and help
kinship families find camp scholarships for
the children in their care. Many summer camps
across the state have generously offered camp
scholarships to the kinship families. Over
the past few months, it has been my great
pleasure to get to know the kinship families.
I look forward to continued contacts.
Kate Shore
Seasonal Activity Planning Coordinator |
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AFFM Expands Lending Library
The Adventures of Nanacat
and Her Children "Moving In"
and The Adventures of Nanacat and Her
Children "Someone New" are
now available through the AFFM lending
library. The series was created to help
children adapt to living with and being
raised by a relative caregiver. To borrow
these books, please call 1-800-833-9786
or 827-2331. |
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"It's not the flesh and blood
but the heart that makes us fathers and sons."
~Schiller~ |
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Camp To Belong Maine is
looking for male and female counselors
for the 2005 camp week. Camp To Belong
Maine is a fabulous week-long opportunity
for brothers and sisters to reunite for
sibling bonding, emotional empowerment
and fun. Counselors should be energetic,
able to be "on" 24/7, nurturing,
caring, and able to work as part of a
team. Counselors are an integral part
of camp by making sure the campers are
safe at all times, are having fun with
their brothers and sisters and taking
part in the camp activities.
Counselors must also be
able to commit to the entire week at camp.
The dates of camp for counselors are August
12-August 20 (August 12-14 is training,
campers arrive August 15 and everyone
departs August 20). Camp is held at Camp
Wigwam in Waterford, Maine.
If you are interested in
becoming a counselor, please contact Heidi
Krieger at 780-5868 or at hkrieger@usm.maine.edu
for an application and/or more information.
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Dear Foster Parents,
In honor of Foster Care Month,
Adoptive and Foster Families of Maine would
like to thank you for your commitment and
dedication to Maine's children in care.
As foster parents you are dedicated
and committed to the children ~ at AFFM we
are dedicated and committed to supporting
and encouraging you for your work of heart.
Please let us know how we can help. We can
be reached by calling 827-2331 or toll free
at 1-800-833-9786.
Sincerely,
Bette and the Staff at Adoptive
and Foster Families of Maine
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A Heartfelt Thank You to the
Bangor High School Key Club
Adoptive and Foster Families
of Maine would like to thank the Bangor
High School Key Club for frequently folding
the monthly newsletters. Their hard work
and willingness to help was greatly appreciated.
Special thanks to Kristen Moran for her
organizational efforts. Time and time
again she proved to be dependable, conscientious,
and timely. AFFM would like to thank Mr.
McHenry for his role as advisor. It has
truly been a pleasure to work with a student
organization such as yours.
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Key Club is the largest high school
organization devoted to providing service
to communities. Through the work of the
student-led organization, students gain
experience in the areas of leadership,
responsibility and teamwork.
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Twelve year -old Daisy enjoys
dancing, quilting, crafts, shopping and horseback
riding. In the past she found great pleasure
in fiddle lessons, something she hopes to
resume in the future.
Daisy is a fifth grader with
no reports of difficulties in academic performance.
She does need support and encouragement to
complete tasks both at home and at school.
Daisy and her three sisters
came into care in September 2001, due to issues
of abuse, neglect and chaotic and inconsistent
caretakers. She currently resides in a therapeutic
foster home separate from her sisters, however
she maintains contact with them.
Daisy participates in weekly
therapy to address her losses and to learn
to regulate her emotions. She has made gains
in being her own person and strengthening
her self image. Therapy will help Daisy in
the transition into adoption. It is important
that the adoptive family continues therapy
for her, with possible family sessions to
encourage and strengthen the new family connections.
Daisy would like a two parent
family who will nurture her and accept her.
An experienced family who has the patience
to allow her personality and activity level
to expand and become consistent is sought
for her. Maintaining contact with her sisters
and foster family is important to Daisy and
should be supported and encouraged by the
adoptive family.
Adoption subsidy may be available
to the most appropriate family. Interested
families may direct their inquiries to Jane
Fawcett, Department of Health and Human Services
in Lewiston, Maine, 207-795-4649 or 1-800-482-7517.
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Looking Back
at the Adoptive and Foster Families of
Maine 2005 Conference.
Love Takes You In… Heart, Hope
and Hard Work Make You Whole
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 Fran Doonan during her workshop
Transitions in Foster Care: It's No Fun
for Kids to Move. Her well received, interactive
workshop offered participants the skills to
create better transitions for children.
John Tercyak entertains the crowd during
dinner. John demonstrated his multi-talented
musical skills by entertaining with the fiddle,
guitar and vocals. He provided guests with his
repertoire of over 700 songs listed for requests. |
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Dr. Steve Gray Ph.D. and his lovely assistant
Lindsay Pelkey. Dr. Gray is shown holding
a "brain" during his Psychotropic
Drugs and Other Things That Go Bump in the
Night workshop.
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FAMILY TIES the Newsletter of Adoptive &
Foster Families of Maine, Inc.
Published with support from
: the Maine Dept. of Human Services
Please direct comments to:
Editor, Family Ties
Adoptive & Foster Families of Maine
294 Center Street, Unit 1
Old Town, ME 04468.
Or click here
to fill out our web form. |
Imagine there is a bank that credits your
account each morning with $86,400. It carries
over no balance from day to day. Every evening
it deletes whatever part of the balance
you failed to use during the day. What would
you do? Draw out every cent, of course!!!!
Each of us has such a bank.
It's name is TIME. Every morning, it credits
you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it
writes off, as lost, whatever of this you
have failed to invest to good purpose. It
carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft.
Each day it opens a new account for you.
Each night it burns the remains of the day.
If you fail to use the day's deposits, the
loss is yours. There is no going back. There
is no drawing against the tomorrow. You
must live in the present on today's deposits.
Invest it so as to get from it the utmost
in health, happiness, and success. The clock
is running. Make the most of Today .
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To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask
a student who failed a grade.
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To realize the value of ONE MONTH,
ask a mother who gave birth to a pre-mature
baby.
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To realize the value of ONE WEEK,
ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
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To realize the value of ONE HOUR,
ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
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To realize the value of ONE MINUTE,
ask a person who missed the train.
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To realize the value of ONE SECOND,
ask a person who just avoided an accident.
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To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND,
ask the person who won a silver medal
in the Olympics.
Treasure every moment that you have, and
treasure it more because you shared it with
someone special; special enough to spend
your time. And remember that time waits
for no one.
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is mystery
Today is a gift
That's why it's called the present!!!!!
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