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Family Ties Newsletter
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Volume 7, No. 10 / 11

NEWSLETTER

October / November 2004

Return to Newsletter Archive

ANGELS IN ADOPTION

Maine DHHS is very pleased to announce that three Maine residents have received the Angels in Adoption Award presented by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption (CCA). CCA was created in 1985 as a bicameral, bipartisan alliance of Members of Congress dedicated to improving adoption policy and practice, and to focus public attention on the needs of orphans and foster children as well as the advantages of adoption. Since it's inception, the CCA has grown to over 180 Members of Congress.

This organization is dedicated to raising awareness about tens of thousands of foster children in this country and the millions of orphans around the world in need of permanent, safe, and loving homes; and to eliminating the barriers that hinder these children from realizing their basic need of a family.

"The Angels in Adoption Program, is CCA's signature public awareness program which provides an opportunity to all members of the U.S. Congress to honor the good work of their constituents who have enriched the lives of foster children and orphans. Angels is an event geared to highlight ordinary people doing extraordinary things. These "unsung heros" are selected by members of Congress and invited to attend a Washington-based awards ceremony and an evening gala given in their honor. In addition to these "unsung heroes" chosen from all 50 states, "National Angels" are recognized for their adoption and foster care advocacy on a national scale. Former National Angels include notables such as Muhammad Ali, Dave Thomas, Steven Curtis Chapman, and Bruce Willis. Each year, more than 150 members of Congress participate making it the year's single most significant congressional event pertaining to child welfare in the nation."

This year, 2004, Maine is very privileged to have three recipients of the Angels in Adoption award who were honored on September 23, 2004 in Washington, DC.

The Maine DHHS, Bureau of Child and Family Services, wishes to acknowledge this significant achievement, thank Senator Snowe and Collins, and continue to applaud all the families that come forward to provide a safe, stable and lasting home for children in need.[

~Virginia S. Marriner~
Adoption Program Manager

The following is the excerpt from the 2004 Congressional Awards Celebration Brochure:

Bette Hoxie
Senator Olympia J. Snowe

Bette Hoxie, of Old Town, Maine is a genuine Angel in Adoption. For 32 years, she has provided love, guidance and commitment to the welfare of foster children in her care, as well as those in homes across the state of Maine. She has adopted eight of the children she fostered. Bette is also Liason Director of Adoptive and Foster Families of Maine (AFFM). AFFM is the primary resource for adoptive and foster families in Maine: providing information and connections to service providers and training. She is respected by Maine government officials and known as the "person to call" for information and support in matters affecting the state's adopted and foster children. Bette has been instrumental in bringing the practice of Kinship Care to Maine. Many agency boards seek her membership. For her commitment to children, Bette has been recognized by her local community with awards and honors. KidsPeace, a national children's charity that serves children in Maine, recently awarded her their "Unsung Hero Award" for her quiet and selfless efforts to improve the lives of Maine's children. Bette Hoxie is exactly the type of person Angels in Adoption celebrates.

Shawn and Rita Yardley
Senator Susan M. Collins

Shawn and Rita Yardley's commitment to their family and community is truly remarkable. At a time when most families are thinking about what they will do with their free time after their children have left home, the Yardley's decided to adopt three children who had been in the foster care system. In January, they graciously welcomed Kiana (8), Kira (6), and Tessa (5) into their home, which already includes their four biological children. While raising seven children, Shawn and Rita have devoted their professional careers to helping others in the community. Shawn is the director of the River Coalition, where he is responsible for developing prevention programs for children in foster care through collaborative efforts with schools, social service agencies, local, state and federal governments and the University of Maine. He has over seventeen years of child welfare management experience within the Maine Department of Human Services, and as a faculty associate in the social work department at the University of Maine. Rita dedicates her time to providing service in the classroom. She has worked for eight years as an educator for special needs students in Bangor School Department. Shawn and Rita are also heavily involved in community-based work. Shawn serves on the boards of numerous organizations throughout the state, including the Adoptive and Foster Families of through collaborative efforts with schools, social service agencies, local, state and federal governments and the University of Maine. He has over seventeen years of child welfare management experience within the Maine Department of Health and Human Services, and as a faculty associate in the social work department at the University of Maine. Rita dedicates her time to providing service in the classroom. She has worked for eight years as an educator for special needs students in Bangor School Department. Shawn and Rita are also heavily involved in community-based work. Shawn serves on the boards of numerous organizations throughout the state, including the Adoptive and Foster Families of Maine, Catholic Charities of Maine, Maine Mentoring Partnership, United Way of Eastern Maine and Communities for Children Advisory Council. Rita has served as the facilitator for the youth ministry program at St. Mary's Parish in Bangor for the past 10 years. I believe that Shawn and Rita truly exemplify the spirit of this award through the selflessness with which they share their time and energy with family, friends, and their community. It gives me great pleasure to provide such well-deserved recognition to this exceptional couple.

A Probate Judge's Perspective

I was privileged to interview the honorable Judge Mailloux. Our amiable conversation contained an educational component as well as a touching declaration of pride for his children and grandchildren. The interview consisted of the following questions and responses:

How many adoptions have you finalized this year ?

Judge Mailloux shared the following statistics:

Finalized Adoptions January– Present

Step-parent Adoptions

8

Foster Parent Adoptions

4

Agency Adoptions

0

Adult Adoptions

1

Kinship Adoptions

1

Total for the Year

19


If you could change one thing about the adoption process what would it be?

"I would say that question is two sided. I would like to see the procedure become a quicker and easier process. However not so quick and easy that the Iimportance and meaning is overlooked. I would also like to see the pre-filing process streamlined but not to the point that you lose the protective elements."

Is there one particular event in an adoption experience that has stayed in your mind as symbolic of something you would like to see in other adoption proceedings?

"To me every adoption is special. Serious emotional reactions by the family make you know as the judge, that I made the right decision for that family. Two other things come to mind. A five or six-year-old girl whose mother did ceramics gave me a ceramic gift that still sits on the bench. I also remember one particular adoption where the adopted child had 6 or 7 siblings. They all came back for a picture. The siblings were beaming as they smiled for the camera. Watching them confirmed the creation of a family, not just a change in legal status."

What do you see as the key ingredient in a successful adoption?

"Well I believe that the key ingredient is love. Love the child. Make them feel loved and excepted. Make them feel part of the family."

Can you think of ways that AFFM as an association, might enhance or make the experience in court easier for families?

"Prepare them for the potentially embarrassing aspects of the proceedings. There may be questions regarding a financial abnormality. I usually discuss past criminal concerns with the prospective parents prior to the court hearing and I may decide to have a separate hearing for financial concerns as well. I do not want to preclude the adoption, it should be a time of celebration."

What is your role as President of the Probate Judge Assembly ?

"Setting up and conducting four meetings annually. The meetings consist of an educational piece. Topics include arriving at uniform solutions. We are trying to implement procedural uniformity."

We Are Grands!

Grands come in all shapes, sizes, and colors

Some are men some women We come from all walks of life Some are married some single and some are in-between.

Some are young and some not so young

Some have money to burn and some must burn the budget. Some Grands stay home and others hold down more than one job to provide for the children in their care.

Some gave birth to many children some only one, some have never given birth but care for the children of their spouses, brothers, sisters, and even the children of strangers.

The one thing we have in common is the love we have for our families, the knowledge that we must do what is right no matter the personal costs and the determination to carry on where the bio parents of our children have failed.

We pick up the pieces of shattered families and try to heal the pain that we may not have caused but cannot ignore.

You'll see Grands at schools, doctor's offices, in the supermarket or the park.

We may be laughing, crying, working or
playing. We not only try to make things better for our own children but for children everywhere.

We are GRANDS! We Are PROUD!

Visit www.grandsplace.com for comfort and support from other kinship caregivers.

Meet More of District 3

John Miller is the Assistant Program Administrator for District 3. John has worked for the Bureau for 25 years as a Child Protective Caseworker, Supervisor, and Assistant Program Administrator. John and his wife, Marsha (who is a Supervisor for the Bureau of Family Independence) have two sons. John also has two new Mini Schnauzer puppies as part of his family. John and his wife enjoy skiing and boating. John spent several years supervising the Foster Home Licensing Unit and he remains committed to the support and retention of foster parents. John fully appreciates the collaboration and teamwork necessary to achieve successful outcomes in public child welfare. John points out that the Tri-County Foster/Adoptive Parent Association has a long rich history of effectively collaborating with Bureau staff toward the best outcomes for the children and families. This past May , District 3 Staff came together with Association members for the 25th Annual Foster/Adoptive Parent Appreciation Dinner.

Thom Hoffman is the Supervisor of District 3's Licensing and Support Unit. This unit is comprised of two Community Care Workers, a Placement Specialist, a Kinship Care Specialist, two After Hours Caseworkers, and three Case Aides. Thom has 26 years of experience with the Bureau as a Caseworker and Supervisor. Thom is also very committed to the support and retention of foster parents. He recognizes how important communication is to the working relationship between foster parents and the Bureau staff. Thom writes a monthly insert to the Tri-County Foster/Adoptive Parent Association Newsletter.

Thom enjoys spending his free time on his sailboat with his partner, Louise.

Election Day November 2, 2004

We encourage all citizens to vote according to their own beliefs on November 2nd, 2004.

Voting is a cherished American opportunity, exercise your right!

As you prepare to vote, consider whether or not your candidate of choice is invested in policies that help children, youth and families. Research the candidate's plans for America's children. Please visit www.everychildmatters.org to learn more about actions you can take... Because in Maine every child matters !

Call AFFM at 827-2331 or toll free at 800-833-9786 to receive your free bumper sticker! Limited quantity!

Foster Care Smoking Rule

Just a reminder that the foster care smoking rule went into effect on October 9th, 2004.

AFFM has joined with the Maine Department of Health and Human Services and a Partnership for a Tobacco-Free Maine in helping smokers to quit.

National Adoption Awareness Month

November is National Adoption Awareness Month, a time for families and communities to come together to celebrate, educate and advocate for
the purpose of increasing public awareness about adoption.

Look for the enclosed calendar for ways to celebrate!

Infant & Toddler Sign Language Day Workshops

Workshops are geared to parents and parents to be, caregivers and educators of HEARING infants, toddlers and preverbal children. Workshop locations throughout Maine and New England.

For more information on dates and locations contact Hilltop Works Wellness Center by phone at 207-542-1402 or by email at thehilltopworks@yahoo.com

October is National Fire Prevention Month

~Fire Safety Tips~

  • ¨ Develop a home fire escape plan and practice it often.

  • Install at least one smoke detector on every level of your home.

  • Check your smoke detector monthly.

  • Make your street number visible from the road to ensure that responding emergency personnel can find your home.

  • Be fully prepared for a real fire: when a smoke alarm sounds get out immediately.

  • Once you are out of the building, stay out! Under no circumstances should you ever go back into a burning building. If someone is missing, inform the fire department. Firefighters have the equipment and the skills to perform rescues.

 

Up Coming Events for Kinship Providers

Bangor Area Kinship Holiday Party– Sunday, November 28th from 1:00 to 4:00 p.m. at the Ramada Inn on the Oldin Road in Bangor. For more information please contact Adoptive and Foster Families of Maine (AFFM) at 827-2331 or toll free at 800-833-9786.

Southern Maine Kinship Holiday Party– Sunday, December 5th from 11:00 to 4:00 p.m. at the Greater Portland YMCA on Forest Avenue. For more information please contact FACT at 941-2347 or toll free at 866-298-0896.

Donated Clothing

Family Connections has an over-abundance of donated clothing for kinship families. The clothing is in very good condition and is available in the following sizes:

  • Infant

  • Toddler sizes

  • Girls sizes 6-14

  • Teen girls

  • Women's sizes M and up

If you are a kinship provider in need of any of these items please call our office. We would be happy to make a time for you to come in or give us your address and we will send a box of clothing. Contact Jan Bisbee at 1-866-298-0896.

Families and Children Together 304 Hancock Street, Bangor, ME 04401

If you're interested in learning about more children in Maine who are available for adoption, you can visit the "Maine's Waiting Children" web site at: http://www.adoptuskids.org/states/me/

I'm Adopted!

I had a DREAM last night…
I had to choose a MOMMY and a DADDY…

At first I wondered what to do…
there were so many it seemed untrue…

Short, tall, thin…
and stout…
I couldn't decide which
ones to pick out.

But I was as surprised
as I could be…

My MOMMY and DADDY had already picked ME!!

Adoption Announcement

Alan and Stephanie Damboise are pleased to announce the adoption of their 27 month–old son Stephen Alan Damboise.

The adoption was finalized on September 22, 2004. Stephen joins his adult siblings Nichole, Janice and Tori. Stephen is also an uncle to Damian, Kaine, Nickolas, William and Olivia!

Congratulations!

Volunteer of the Month!

Chelsea Brady is currently a freshman at Old Town High School. She has been generously volunteering her time at AFFM for the past several weeks after school. It has been a delight to have Chelsea helping out. She is very creative and entertains us all with her wonderfully upbeat and vivacious personality. Thank you Chelsea for your hard work and willingness to help accomplish the many necessary tasks here at AFFM!

Pumpkin Valley Farm

Pumpkin Valley Farm in Dayton is offering a discount to foster, adoptive, and kinship families on Fridays throughout the month of October. Pack a picnic and come enjoy the beauty of Fall. Pumpkin Valley Farm offers a corn maze, free hayrides, a play area and of course a pumpkin patch. Explore the 6 acre Cornfield Maze at $5 for adults and $3.50 for children. To receive your discount, mention that you are an adoptive, foster, or kinship family. Conquer the maze as a family and create memories that will last a lifetime!

For more information and directions, visit www.PumpkinValleyFarm.com or call 929-4545

AFFM Discount Card

AFFM recently added the businesses below to the list of participating vendors.

If you are an adoptive, foster, or kinship provider please call AFFM to receive an AFFM discount card. 827-2331 or toll free at 800-833-9786

Yankee Lanes
276 Bath Road
Brunswick, ME 04011
Show your AFFM card, fill out a coupon, and Yankee Lanes will give you one free game for up to six (6) people in your party.

Mary Kay
Heidi Gallant
Independent Beauty Consultant
10% off any order
Free gift with $40.00 purchase
207-990-0725
207-852-5972
www.marykay.com//hgallant

L.L. Bean, Inc. DHHS Foster Parent Program Discount Policy

L.L. Bean will no longer be participating in the DHHS Foster Parent Program Discount Policy

Neighbors Make a Difference Day

Adoptive and Foster Families of Maine would like to thank three individuals who certainly made a difference in the office on September 14th, Neighbors Make a Difference Day! AFFM sincerely thanks Katie Deane-Grant, Don Smith, and Theresa Harvey (KeyBank Employees) for their hard work shampooing rugs and washing the windows until they gleamed. It was pleasure a having you in the office.

FAMILY TIES the Newsletter of Adoptive & Foster Families of Maine, Inc.

Published with support from : the Maine Dept. of Human Services

Please direct comments to:
Editor, Family Ties
Adoptive & Foster Families of Maine
294 Center Street, Unit 1
Old Town, ME 04468.

Web form

Ten Commandments of Child-Centered Adoption by Jame L. Gritter, MSW

In the event that adoption is deemed necessary, Thou Shalt Not:

  • do this frantically. Rather, proceed gently with patience and dignity...For this honors children

  • do this in the spirit of shame. Rather, remember that, as God's children, we all merit respect...For this honors children
  • do this defensively, driven by fear. Rather, go forward with faith, hope and love…For this honors children
  • do this mechanically. Rather, be alive and interactive, one vulnerable human to another...For this honors children
  • do this blindly, oblivious to the loss and pain. Rather, trust the mystery of paradox and enter the sadness fully…For this honors children
  • do this in a manner that diminishes others. Rather, affirm and uphold fellow travelers along the path...For this honors children
  • do this in isolation. Rather, proceed inclusively and savor the blessings of community...For this honors children
  • insist on comfort for the adults involved. Rather, take wild and lavishrisks to comfort the child...For this honors children
  • do this presumptuously or with grandiosity. Rather walk humbly andwith a heart of gratitude...For this honors children
  • do this cleverly, elusively or with half truths. Rather, shine with over flowing candor...For this honors children.

 

Adoptive & Foster Families of Maine, Inc. 294 Center Street, Unit 1, Old Town, ME 04468
Phone: 800-833-9786 or 207-827-2331 Fax: 207-827-1974 Email: info@affm.net

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